Why I Hate Autozone

I have a real issue with Autozone and haven't been in one for over 6 months.  Although I focus my aggravation toward Autozone, there is probably little difference between it and O'Reilly, Advance or any of the other one-stop parts stores... although I believe Autozone is the worst. Where I used to live I only had two choices, Autozone or NAPA.  Since NAPA kept bank like hours, I was usually forced to go to Autozone.


I think the biggest strike against it are the people that work there.  I would say 80% of the people they hire barely know how to drive a car, let alone work on one.  I can remember walking in saying I needed a part for 85 Corvette and the girl asked, "Who makes Corvette?"  Really?  My three-year old grandson knows who makes Corvette and my car expert hasn't got a clue?  When I walked in I attempted to avoid the obvious idiots and tried to deal with the ones that at least knew how to work the computer... also tough to find.  Okay, Autozone rate of pay is shit so they are not going to get the cream of the crop, but you would hope that someone that applied for a job at Autozone would at least have an interest in cars.  My last trip there I was talking to one of the employees about fuel issues I was having with my 76 Vette, he was bewildered and quickly shouted out for someone in the back.  Out came this Hispanic guy I never seen before, told him my issues and he not only knew what I was talking about but pulled me to the back of the store and started showing me options to fix the issue as he had had the same issue with an old Chevy he owned.  He then handed me some free hose and wanted me to let him know how it turned out.  What a great guy, next time I came back he was gone.  Obviously over qualified for the position he held... he actually knew something.

I can remember when I was young and had to get parts for my 55 Chevy, I always felt uneducated at the auto parts store, Back then the stores were ran by people that knew cars inside and out, you came in with a problem they would diagnosis it and tell you what they would do to fix it.  Of course there would be five other grease monkeys standing around the store and they each give you their take on the issue and tell you "Joe is full of shit and you should do it this way!"  I guess it was primitive version of the Internet, instead of typing in "how to change a timing belt" you simply walked into the parts store and say "how do I change a timing belt" and 5 different guys would give you their version of how to do the job, along with plenty of horror stories of what happened when someone did it wrong.  It wasn't even unusual for someone to follow you home and help you with the job.  Most of the time you had to order the part and wait for it come in, pretty soon you would be sitting on a greasy stool and joining in on the pre-Internet banter while looking at pictures of half-naked girls modeling around car parts.  Great way to kill a Saturday afternoon.

But, back to Autozone.  My best parts horror story is the starter I had to buy three times for my 85 Corvette.  The Vette would just click, the starter was bad. Took it off (to find it was an Autozone starter that was on the car when I got it) and went in and paid for new Autozone rebuilt starter.  No, I didn't buy the lifetime warranty one as I am sure that it is the same as the cheapest starter just in a different box with the word "sucker" stamped on the bottom.  Had it on for a couple weeks and once again, click.  Took it back... of course they gave me a replacement and this one worked for only three days.  As I was driving the car the starter engaged and would not shut off (talk about a frightening noise). Smoke started pouring from the engine bay, had to disconnect the battery to get it to stop... pulled the car home and took it off again.  The funny thing is they never seemed surprised when you bring it back, even for the third time!  They just hand me another one.  It is like playing the lottery.  Will it work this time?  This warranty is pretty worthless when they just keep throwing shit at you hoping something will stick.  How about all the lost hours pulling and replacing starters?  Pay me for lost hours on the warranty and then you have something.

I have been told that Autozone buys cores by the truckload, like starters, alternators, etc. They do not refurbish the entire part, just replace what is bad.  So you may be getting an old part with 100,000 miles on it with one new piece.  They really don't care about quality as they know each time you come in to get your replacement you will probably need some shop towels, hand soap, and that two year-old Snicker bar from their antique candy selection. Or that $2.50 bottle of soda that makes no pssshhh sound when you unscrew the cap and has the consistency of the AutoZone recycled oil. "We are running a special on Injector Cleaner" they tell you as you just bought parts for your carbonated car, making one last pitch to sell you anything before you walk out the door. FU AZ!

I think the time I really figured out that Autozone did not care is when I bought 8 spark plugs for 76 Vette and started to put them in.  I got to one and saw it was different than the others.  Started comparing and found they gave me 4 spark plugs one size, and 4 more that were different size... but not only were they different size, they were used!  Someone obviously replaced their plugs and put the old ones back in the new box and returned them.  I went to Autozone and put the plugs on the counter and said I was given not only the wrong size but USED spark plugs.  The guy laughed and said, "That doesn't surprise me."  Wow, how can you argue with that.  When the everyone from the employees to the manager just don't care, the whole place is like that two year-old Snicker bar... with one bite already out of it!

Autozone sucks.

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